Sell your Soul to Satan – No Money Upfront Needed!
Are you looking for Fame? For Money? For Success? Or for Power?
Use our handy guide to learn how to sell your soul to the devil. Make a deal with a demon today, communicate and exchange your soul with Satan. Most people answer at least yes to one of the above great human lusts. Your cravings have led you here, a useful guide to how to sell your soul to Lucifer himself. A transaction no-one takes lightly but one that reaps many rewards, however when reading through this complete how-to; always have in the back of your mind: There’s a price for everything, whether you see it, believe it or feel it… it’s there, he’ll take it and it’ll come back round to you one day or another.
For this particular article, we are assuming some things:
Number 1, you believe that you and other people actually have a soul that you have free will over and that you are capable of actually selling it for whatever gains you care for, as above that can be exchanged for some kind of ideal ultimatum such as a certain skill you desire, intellect to rival even Rick Sanchez, the power to go beyond the Illuminati. These are all possible with the processes set out below.
Number 2, you have some kind of faith – religious, spiritual, sensational etc.
The Devil Requires some “Tools” to speak with:
Firstly, here are some things you may want to grab to make things slightly less *ahem* forceful when the soul-selling occurs-
- Ouji Board (one way of communicating with the other side.)
- A Compass (Demons, Satan, all his goons have a terrible sense of direction)
- A sacrificial goat. (Animal cruelty is one of The Devil’s things, ya know?)
- Knife with a dragon hilt (can be any mythical animal, but dragons are cool, right?)
- Lots and lots of black clothing (all Prada), if you have a black cat too, that’s even better. Sabrina the Teenage Witch, eat your heart out.
- Chalk – for drawing out the pentagrams, magic demon symbols and little, pretty flowers etc.
- A summoning spell. Best bet here is to create a World of Warcraft account and find another player with a name which resembles good ol’ Lucy and ask them – they’re bound to know more than they let on initially. Top tip, bribe with Cheetos.
- A very big Silver bowl.
- Stone blade. Yes, you need two cutting implements.
- Extra Sea Salt Coarse Salt.
- Loads of candles, make sure they’re massive and scented with lavender.
After you’ve got your supplies, it’s time to decide where you should do the summoning:
Our top 4 picks for the location of the Summoning Ritual:
- Your mum’s basement.
- A graveyard
- An abandoned warehouse
- Creepy haunted house.
Now, as much as it would be very comfortable to summon your little demon friend in the warm walls of your family’s under housing, we don’t think it’s fair to drag your unsuspecting loved ones into your new hobby, not to mention there simply, even in the biggest of basements, not enough space to complete the ritual summon. On top of all of this, the demon may well feel insulted that he was not given the correct arrangements for his calling, resulting in less than favourable terms of the contract being arranged for your wishes being filled.
Graveyards tend to be the classic, no-nonsense go-to for people needing to sell their souls. You’ll have lots of space, you’ll be surrounded by the undead – demons and Satan himself love them guys. If you can find one close to some crossroads, that’ll be a double whammy of demon-loving awesomeness too.
The abandoned warehouse and creepy haunted houses are one and the same – if you have on nearby – go for it, if not, no matter, demons like to be summoned and can be summoned anywhere, they need all the supporters they can get.
Now onto the main question:
How do you sell your soul?
Hold up! You need to attempt to select the correct demon first. Unfortunately, you may find that the main Beelzebub themself is not available to sign off your soul exchange.
In that case, you need to choose one of their other classes of demons, they may come in senior management, consultants, executives, you’ll need some kind of closer, a devil salesman, think Al Pacino and Keanu Reeves, The Devil’s Advocate (1997).
So, you’ve now selected your demon, now onto the how you will sell your soul. Surprisingly easy really, one of two ways – either oral, using spells, incantations and chants to summon the demon and make your ultimate deal for whatever you desire in this life; or written, you can write out your wishes for the Devil to read in all his delight. You will, unfortunately, need to write this letter of wishes with either your own blood or in animals blood, Lucifer doesn’t have an email address down in the fiery abyss.
The set up depends on what type of spellbook and chants you have in your possession. A good rule of thumb is to follow the workings of a great show to tell you all about a decent ritual sacrifice: Bible Black.
Now here’s the part some people forget to mention: It will probably not work the first time, but that’s okay! It either means the demon you have chosen isn’t interested – typical, or more likely, he hasn’t chosen you. So, you’ll want to keep trying and practising, until you’ve managed to sacrifice probably a few goats. If it gets really bad, you’ll have to step it all the way up to virgins, definitely women, definitely young. There’s so much debate regarding the classification of virgins for all classes of demons today, they haven’t standardised their approach yet – lazy.
Signing off that big Contract
Finally, wrapping up, once you’ve summoned your very own, personal devil, it’s time to make sure you’ve memorized your oral arrangement or written down extremely specifically exactly what it is you want, otherwise, the demon will use anything, everything and anyone to abuse, manipulate, and control the outcome in their favour… Well, it’s always in their favour, they have your soul; but hey, the top spot in the Illuminati is worth it…